Love-stuck

How do you tell your boyfriend that you are not in love with him?

How do you tell him that maybe you were never committed or never felt like you were in love?

How do you not make it sound mean?

How do you not make it sound like he was the one who told you to give it a shot and he completely missed that shot?

How would you handle the situation?

Would you let go of him or try falling in love?

Soft-toys, chocolates, flowers, romantic drives, a hand in hand walk in the rain. All these had never been a part of Kiara’s life. Instead of being too crazy in love, she has just been more practical. Is that the reason that she had not felt love? Is this the reason she wanted someone to sweep her off her feet rather than repeating the same ideas to charm her?

Kiara had always been anti-love not because she had never fallen for someone, but because she never felt what it is to be in love. She was in a relationship with Arjun not because she was in love with him but for the reason that he thought they would make a great pair. She never had a boyfriend, Arjun was her first and she was hoping that he would make her fall in love with him. She had her expectations in this relationship. She didn’t want a mills and boons loves story. She wanted “her love story”. Kiara never felt the love in her relationship even though she had known him for years now.

Arjun and Kiara had met in college. They became friends but as usual the guy fell in love with girl. Kiara always took him as her best friend. Maybe that’s why she decided to give it a shot because he was so sure of them having a future.

Kiara had been seriously thinking of talking Arjun out of it but he seemed too love-struck. Arjun knew she was not in love with him but he just wanted it to work out. They both worked in different parts of the city; they had a different friend circle and a totally different work environment. Kiara worked in an advertising agency and Arjun had his own business of online warehousing solutions. Kiara was more of a fun-loving, carefree and an extrovert girl. Arjun was more on the introvert side. Kiara used to love Mumbai rains and Arjun kept cribbing about the havoc it created. Arjun kept surprising her by sending flowers and chocolates at her work place but Kiara never wanted that. She was definitely not in love because she never smiled genuinely looking at the surprises. She had no reason why she was with him, she had no reason as to why she felt content and safe and happy with him, because this was definitely not what she wanted and this was definitely not her imagination of love.

It was a typical rainy day in Mumbai and as usual Kiara was in a happy mood because of the blissful weather. She was running late for work but she could always blame the traffic for it. Anyways no one would bother to ask or complain. Kiara managed to reach her office and waited for the lift with a smile on her face. She saw the crowd waiting for the lift but she wasn’t bothered by it.  All she could think of was the perfect weather and the perfect day that she would be having ahead and nothing would spoil that for her.

She entered the lift with a smile and turned around to see a lot of people entering the lift. The lift got jam packed. Kiara started fidgeting around with her phone to avoid the awkward lift journey. She could suddenly smell the fragrance of a mild men’s cologne with a strong smell of a cigarette. She looked up and saw a guy wearing a blue superman t-shirt which had drops of rain on it. The guy turned around to face her. He looked deep into her eyes, smiled and whispered,” I know it’s a very awkward situation but Hi! I am Kabir; I work for the same company as yours. I am not stalking you; I just noticed the id around your neck.” Kiara could smell his mint breath which was trying to blend and kill the cigarette odour. She gave him an awkward smile, she was uncomfortable with the amount of people around her but somehow felt safe around him. She could notice Kabir staring at her; she kept playing with her phone to avoid the awkward stare game. She eventually gave in and just stared at him with anger, his eyes moved away from her. He suddenly came too close to her, gave her a smile and quietly adjusted Kiara’s shirt’s collar which stretched too far because of her handbag. Kiara embarrassingly adjusted herself and stood straight. He moved away from her as people kept getting down on their floor. Kiara whispered a soft thank-you. Kabir just gave his best smile and got down at his floor.

They both did keep bumping into each other and Kiara kept hearing about Kabir’s stories in the whole office. He was witty; he was ambitious, very creative, intelligent, mature and kiddish at times. In short he was everything Kiara had ever wanted in a guy. They used to meet during lunch and smoke breaks. She kept thinking of him, his jokes, his sparkling eyes, his charm, in short everything about him. She always wanted to ask him about his relationship status, even though she was already in a relationship with Arjun, she was just curious. Kiara kept thinking if she had fallen in love with him. But she had hardly known him. She only knew him as a funny, loving, carefree person, but by now she had already gotten a confirmation that she was in love with him. One day when he didn’t turn up for work she got worried and messaged him asking about him. He replied saying- Missing me? I had to go to Worli for my passport work so took the day off. I will see you tomorrow. Till then? Keep missing me and keep smiling J . Kiara just smiled and thought who wouldn’t fall in love with this guy? She was feeling guilty of not telling Arjun about him. She used to hate being in a confused state of mind. On one side there was Arjun who made her happy, content and let her be herself on the other side there was Kabir who made her laugh, feel carefree and special. She knew somewhere if she would tell Arjun about Kabir he would definitely get hurt but she didn’t want to confess to Arjun even without knowing what Kabir feels, it really didn’t matter to her because she was in love for the first time. Kiara wanted to get to know more about Kabir before making a decision. She kept meeting him more often, she kept working with him and asking about him through common friends.

One day while sipping coffee during the smoke break, Kiara casually asked Kabir about his relationship status. “I am single if you are looking for someone, but if you are here to break my heart then I am in a relationship.” Kiara laughed at him and her heart smiled. Kabir came really close to her, held her hand and said, “Stop playing these games, tell me that you love me, tell me you can’t live without me and tell me you will always be mine!” Kiara was stunned for a moment. She just stood there flabbergasted before Kabir burst out laughing. Kiara just quietly stood there while Kabir kept laughing. “Oh my God! Just look at your face Kiara! I am so sorry to wake you up from your Mils and Boons moment. I don’t believe in love Kiara, Why do you think a hot guy like me is single? Why commit to someone? Anyways I need to head for a brainstorming session, See you around.” Kiara waved a cold bye to him and lit another cigarette. She just smiled with a moist eyes. While blowing the smoke in the air she realised that she had just met the male version of herself. Commitment phobic, practical and the non-serious types. But she was like that before she could fall for Kabir. She was like that with Arjun. She made up her mind to have a serious talk with Arjun. She wanted a best friend rather than a boyfriend to solve a problem.

Arjun was happy to see Kiara after ages. Arjun was busy with his work and as for Kiara, It wasn’t that she was busy; she just wanted to take her time to re-think of the decisions she was going to make. Arjun had booked a perfect place for dinner. He was just too eager to meet her. He picked up Kiara from her house, she looked stunning in black. Her wet hair, the dark kajal in her eyes and the perfect fragrance always made Arjun fall for Kiara all over again. He kept staring at Kiara and the way she animatedly moved her hands to talk. He smiled at her and just kept wishing she would be around him always to make him smile and forget the world. Kiara kept noticing the love in his eyes. She just wanted to get over everything so that it wouldn’t get difficult for her. She was waiting to reach the venue and maybe by dinner she would get the courage to speak. Arjun had surprised Kiara as usual and made the venue look like a fairy-tale dream. She was falling weak looking at every minute detail that Arjun had kept in mind. Her favourite songs were playing softly, her favourite champagne was on the table. Kiara knew Arjun would always make her feel special whenever they met. His eyes were only filled with love for her, whenever he held her hand it would make her realise the depth of his commitment. Arjun pushed a small packet towards Kiara. It was gift wrapped in a customised gift wrapper that had Kiara’s photos. She smiled and kept staring at it. For the first time Kiara loved it. It was a perfect romantic moment. She tried guessing what’s inside the gift wrap. She figured it was a book but kept mum to keep Arjun’s heart. It was a thin book and Kiara’s mind kept jogging through guesses like a diary, notepad or the thinnest novel. She opened the gift wrap carefully and turned the book to read the title. It read Marry me! Author- Arjun Kapoor. Kiara was shocked and her hands felt cold. She opened the book which read- Will you marry me? Because if you say no I’ll keep asking. She turned the page and read- To Kiara Oberoi soon to be Kiara Kapoor. It had a beautiful ring’s photograph stuck on it. She kept the book slowly to notice Arjun on his knees next to her chair. “I was avoiding you because I wanted to make all these preparations and trust me these few days made me realise how much I wanted to be with you. I love you a lot Kiara Oberoi, you drive me insane. You are my best friend, you are the love of my life. Will you marry me?”

Life always takes you to places you never wanted to go. It teaches you how to make quick decisions. It puts you in situations where you just want to run away from.

 Whether Kiara said yes or no it is totally up to you. If you think Arjun was the best guy she could have then she did actually accept the ring. If you think she should have made Kabir fall for her then she did actually manage that.

BUT to tell you the real story, Kiara accepted the ring and did marry Arjun. Because for a few people it is better to marry someone who loves you rather than someone whom you love. And as for Kabir, he will definitely find someone who will make him change his perception or maybe he will make someone change.

                                                                                                                                Samanah. Rizvi